Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Something Sick Made Funny Somehow..If you have a weak stomach don't read this!
I found myself with a nasty cold this week, thankfully given to me from my germ magnet, Richie. Just about an hour ago I was sitting here coughing to death. I mean non-stop. As I coughed I started spewing, puking, vomiting, or whatever you want to call it...as I lay here now it brings back a fond memory. The memory is trapped in a comment as it was a large one!
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Kathy was here name. I worked with her at the time. Now remember this was a few, maybe many years ago. Kathy had a problem that she wanted me to solve for her. She was turning eighteen and had never been laid. She was a rather large young woman and come from a very close knit family in which sex before marriage was just not acceptable. Of course with this loaded wad of information I come up with a plan to get Kathy laid. I would, with all my friends, give her a keg party. Everybody loved a keg party. Places where you can feel save on someone's property and just let go. That is exactly what Kathy wanted to let go of her virginity. Who was I to ask her to keep it...Anyway the party gets started and Kathy informed me she was spending the night. Hey no big deal. About 2 hours into this lovely bitching keg party, three guys (whom I'm sorry to say were pretty desperate themselves) proceeded to court the court. Kathy was really winning with her shining personality and laugh. She really was a sweet person. However, as everyone was looking away (But not my dumb ass :) she started laughing and spewing all on the front of her, down her leg, and into her purse. Nana seconds later I started gagging. Suddenly, Gary, the most desperate of the three men put his hand on Kathy's leg. Right at that moment I started laughing my ass off! He said, "Honey, you have something on your leg," and he proceed to wipe it off! I know, I know how could then push this poor desperate man into this situation! The worst though is that Gary never noticed the puke and proceeded to kiss her on the dam lips! yuk yuk Well, I let things be including the unmentionable liquid in her purse. God, I could just puke...The party went on until into the early hours of the morning. I found myself waking up to an alarm blaring at me from above. (okay, yes I was laying on the floor) I walked out into the living room and there was Kathy. I asked her what happened last night. She proceeded to tell me that she indeed had been laid! But, (there is always a butt in these kind of stories) she said that Gary offered to drive her home this morning and when he reached in her purse to get her keys for her....he started puking everywhere and left. My best advice, if you should find yourself in this position, is it is okay to have rather large women as friends and if they want to get laid great! But, as I said before there is always one of them in a situation, give your friend some advice there number before they sober up and find vomit in your purse! This is a disclaimer: No real names were used in this production. If there are any similarities in the content is because you have been there yourself! Got to love Kathy!
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